Lent 2023 day 36

 Heres a question for you - answers on a postcard, or in the comments please 😀  What's the difference between being considerate, mannerly, thoughtful and being a people-pleaser?

I'm asking because I'm not sure that sometimes, in my desire not to offend and to be respectful, I don't occasionally tolerate the intolerable, defend the indefensible and generally go out of my way to absolutely NEVER upset anyone  ( except my spouse and kids of course- they don't count 😂😂)  Now I do acknowledge that my main motivation is to be an exhorter.  And we exhorters avoid offending people like the plague.  We get our kicks out of encouraging people and therefore can tend towards people-pleasing more than most.  Nevertheless, I do think that in the UK in particular and perhaps in church more than anywhere we are conditioned to be 'nice' above all else,

There's nothing wrong with being nice of course.  And here's the problem. When you look at the state the world is in, so much of the mess is caused by intolerance, impatience, pride, greed and lack of respect for each other.  If we all went out of our way to please each other more -  preferring one another in love- the world would be a less fractious and fractured place.   I think God has two things to say about this.

1) Love the Lord your God with all you have, then love your neighbour.  If we put God first then we become God-pleasers and people servers. Our interactions with others will be motivated by our first love.  This is good

2) We ( I ) dont want to offend people not because of how they will feel but because of how we (I) will feel.  Satan makes us feel condemned and the Holy Spirit convicts us - either way its not nice to know we have upset someone.  Or let them down.  Or betrayed their confidence. Or not showed up. Or whatever it is.   We like to be liked.  It validates us,  includes us, gives us a sense of worth.  But of course the trick is to find those things in God first.  Then if we also get them from people its a bonus but we arent dependant on the praises of man to feel valued.  

Id like the world in general to be a much ,MUCH more encouraging place.  I try to tell people when they are doing a good job whenever I can.  I say thank you often.  I compliment people where I can and in turn gladly receive their compliments without batting them back with any sense of false modesty.  But I know I need to watch my motivation sometimes -especially when it comes to occasionally having to have difficult conversations, disagree or correct or challenge.  I must not sidestep bringing truth where it is needed even if its not what people want to hear. Jesus knew He was loved firstly by His Father, then by His family and friends and then by so many others.  He was secure in who He was ,which enabled  Him  to offer the occasional rebuke, tough love, harsh criticism and not be crushed when people didnt like it.  Or even when they sold him out and murdered Him.

I think I still have a way to go on this.  😀  


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